Baby Love & Grief

Getting pregnant, carrying, and having a baby is an all consuming thought right now. I am distracted all day... longing for the day when I will finally be healthy enough to safely try to get pregnant. I am making Amazon wish lists, Pinterest boards, looking at announcement and maternity photos, researching every little thing I would possibly need to know... I'm grieving the baby that I can't even try to have. I don't feel like I have the right to be grieving because I don't even know if I will struggle with infertility. I don't feel like I have the right to be grieving because so many people out there are worse off than me. 

I don't feel like I have the right to grieve, BUT I DO.

We all have the right to grieve in our own ways and on our own timeline. Grief is a painful and personal journey each of us have. It's important to not minimize your own grief because it's different than someone else's. It's important to allow yourself to feel and accept those hard feelings... even when all you want to do is run away from them. The only way we can find healing is in sitting with our grief, our pain, our longing... accepting those emotions into our hearts is what helps us finally find our peace. 

I am lucky enough to have a supportive husband who gives me a safe space to grieve. A husband who is excited to talk about the baby things I am constantly thinking about. Kole is excited to be a dad and see me being the mom I've dreamed of being. I don't know when I will be able to get pregnant, but when I do I hope that I can remember this longing and soak in every moment of growing and caring for my tiny human.