Praying My Anxiety Away

Freshman Year was a tough one for me, as it is for most. My anxiety and depression were worse than they had ever been before, and I felt like I was drowning. My prayers every day for years consisted of me telling God that if He really loved me he would take my anxiety and depression away. I have never pleaded for anything like I did for that, and when those prayers weren't answered I was hurt. I was certain that God was just trying to make me miserable and that He didn't love me. In my anger I turned against God. By rebelling I was showing Him that I didn't need Him, that I didn't want Him in my life. It was in that stage of rebellion that I needed Him the most and even though I denied it, I knew He was there for me.

Today in relief society I realized how much my prayers have changed since then. I still struggle with anxiety and depression, but instead of praying them away I pray for strength. I pray for God to be with me in my darkest moments, and He is. Having mental illnesses is not easy, and I do look forward to the day when that is no longer a part of my life. But I am grateful for the things that I have learned, and the things that I will learn. I am more compassionate and loving, I am more empathetic, and I am stronger. 

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27

Through the grace of God I have become stronger. I know that when we rely on our Savior we can be strengthened in all good things. I testify that God loves each and every one of us on a deeply personal level, and I testify that He is anxiously waiting for us to reach our hand out to Him. If we but reach out, He will be there.