Wings to Fly

This post is mostly for my own therapy.. So here it goes. I've been doing good for so long and was being strong for so many people that when I started to get bad again I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want to let those people in my life down. But I now realize that it's okay to have bad days, or weeks. Everyone has them, and everyone will keep having them. So why not let the people around you know? Let them support you through it, it's nothing to be ashamed about. 

A month ago I was told that I needed to wait until March to submit my mission papers, I was fine. I completely understood and I knew that God had a plan that apparently was better than mine. But then I started to get discouraged and depressed again. My best friends were getting their mission calls and I was waiting without a plan again. 

When all your plans fall apart it's easy to get angry with God, to ask why. I'm still not done asking Him why. I was in an amazing relationship and was prompted to end it, why? I was hoping to be gone on a mission next month and I'm not, why? I'm starting to realize that asking the why questions will never get you anywhere. 

I've been cooped up, shutting the world and everyone I love out for the past 2 days. For some odd reason that's the first thing I do when I'm hurting. But I finally opened up and talked about how I feel, and I promise you that building up those walls will do nothing but make you lonelier than you already feel. You have family and friends that will always care about you, but most of all you have a Father in Heaven that will do anything that he can to help. Sometimes it's the hardest thing you've ever done, but you have to take that leap of faith to figure out that He gave you wings to fly.